Getting by with a Little Help From My Friends
Change is hard.
No matter where you are and what you do.
For me, that change has been transitioning to learning programming from a background in theater. Having worked in a field that was incredibly kinesthetic and proceeding into a field that is a lot more analytical — whilst learning from home through google and reading online forums — I can tell you that more than once my brain has nearly exploded.
When I joined the Flatiron School’s program a few weeks ago I knew that I had committed to what would likely be some of the most intense months of learning I had ever experienced. So imagine how hard you would want to hit yourself when you realize you’ve committed to moving —
1) in the middle of the “most difficult” module of learning yet
2) to a different state
3) in the middle of a pandemic
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So when you’re heading into project week what are you gonna need? FRIENDS. That’s right folks. This is a blog about making friends because like it or not software development does not need to be the solo activity you thought it had to. But wait — what?
The stereotype of the solo programmer in a dark room is over. Not only is this unhealthy but often a misconception.
The truth is that when you hit that bug in your program and you’re staring at a screen wondering what to do next OR when its 2 am and you’ve reading the same line on stack overflow over and over again but nothing is processing anymore — what you are going to need is a friend. A friend who can swoop in with fresh eyes or a new perspective that’ll get you going again.
But it’s not just in school and learning. The realities are that when you hit the job search — those friends and peers often become lifelong business connections. The people who help you make it when you hit the career market. What is going to make you stand out in an interview? What is going to separate you from the next person waiting to get a job in line?
Often for introverted developer types the answer for this is purely technical. Learn a new programming language. Start a new side project. But often its the people around you — your peers — that are the ones that will get you in the door with the next company.
A recent study from LinkedIn showed that up to 70% of people reported that they were hired at a company where they already had a connection. Companies have also started listing more and more soft skills in job postings. A quick google search gave me the following examples as job qualifications:
“…Business empathy & clear communication …We look for engineers to frame technical problems in the context of business value and be able to communicate with cross-functional teams”
“ The ability to clearly communicate complex ideas both verbally and in written form”
“ An eagerness to accept and expand upon skills and knowledge based on feedback”
“Someone who seeks advice on how to approach and prioritize development efforts”
And once you are in the workplace these soft skills do not lose their value. For most larger companies, software developers are required to work as a unit with teams of people. Collaboration is the cornerstone of most applications due to the massive amount of data that needs to be compiled for many deadlines.
On top of that, having the ability to cooperate and converse with clients in order to understand more clearly what they are looking for in a project can only heighten the demand for your skills.
With these things in mind what can someone who struggles with developing relationships do to improve these often unspoken needs ?
Work on a Project with a Peer, Especially a New One
Although initially I was not as excited about this facet of my curriculum I must say that it has been the most rewarding. Learning from other’s by seeing how they differ in their approaches to similar problems has only expanded my arsenal of skills. I have learned substantial amounts from people who are further along than I, but in many ways have learned more from the people I have had to help out. When I had to explain it to someone else, not only did it cement my own knowledge more clearly but it gave me the opportunity to understand the “why”. Even if you find that you and your new partner don’t mesh as much as you might have hoped, what can you learn from that? Can you figure out why? Maybe it is something inherent in the way you approach a situation. You can look to the future with that knowledge in mind.
Divide and Conquer
Delegation. Delegation. Delegation. Figure out what each of your strengths are and lean in. Make sure you are constantly checking in with your partner to ensure you are creating a cohesive product. Delegate responsibilities so that you can get more done under a time crunch. Who knows? Maybe this way you can get your core deliverables done more quickly — leaving you time to implement more advanced functions.
Take an Interest
The truth is most of us have other stuff going on in our lives. We enjoy going out on the weekend and seeing friends. We have family obligations. We have child births or illness, family deaths, pet dilemmas, or maybe we can even get hit by a car. We are all 3-dimensional people and the sooner we recognize that our coworkers are too the sooner we can get to the business of being there to help them when they need us. And that ends up being reciprocated when you are need it as well. And that leads me to the next point..
Listen
Listen. But really. How obvious does this feel? Probably pretty obvious but the truth is that most of the time we are so caught up in getting across what we want to be said that we end up not actually catching the messages others are trying to send. I remember once mentioning in passing to a partner on a project that I was from Miami. Days later whilst building out some of our framework they used the fact that I was from Miami to build a profile about me as an example. It’s odd but the simple fact that they had retained that little information about me made me immediately feel closer to that partner.
Lastly, and most importantly ..
Don’t be Afraid to Ask For Help
Most people don’t want to admit it, but the real reason we don’t reach out to those around us is often embarrassment. We convince ourselves that we “should” know how to do this. “It must be something dumb I am missing!” You can spend four hours looking for a misplaced comma, or after half an hr of trouble shooting and googling on your own you can message a friend on slack and work through it together. You’d be surprised at how many of your peers are willing to help. As long as you are still doing the work to learn and grow and not just relying on others to do your work for you — putting yourself in a vulnerable situation allows others to feel good about being able to help you and also opens the door for them to feel comfortable being vulnerable with you when they get stuck.
Now go out there and make some coding friends!
Dedicated to my very helpful friends in nyc-mhtn-se-080320!